


How To Be An Emotional Support Snek (TM)

by RangerHorseTug



Series: Deleted Scenes: The Creation of Adam [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: BAMF Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Has All the Genders (Good Omens), Crowley Has Chronic Pain (Good Omens), Crowley Has Self-Esteem Issues (Good Omens), Crowley Knows That Warlock Isn't The Antichrist, Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), He/Him Pronouns For Crowley (Good Omens), Hurt Crowley (Good Omens), Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, No Non-Con between Crowley/Aziraphale, Protective Crowley (Good Omens), She/Her Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:00:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22025986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RangerHorseTug/pseuds/RangerHorseTug
Summary: Based on The Creation of Adam by Natsue_YotsukiAdam was an odd child to say the least, always feeling like he didn't quite belong, like he was a wolf in sheep's clothing but didn't know what he looked like under the wool because he had been the sheep for so long. While Adam loved his parents, he really did, something always felt... off. Adam remembered the pain he caused to his mother, just following how he sensed his father treated her, yet his parents were hopelessly in love with one another and didn't treat each other the way Adam could hazily remember. But he always, throughout his childhood had a constant to sooth his odd memories- a snake that would always find him when he needed it the most.Warlock was always told that he was special, and he guessed he was, being the son of a famous American politician. But his parents didn't make him fell special, they just made him feel as if he was nothing, that he was just a publicity stunt. His true parent, in his heart, the one who was always there, the one who actually loved him, was his Nanny. And Warlock wouldn't trade her for the world.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (referenced), Crowley/Satan (referenced), Crowley/Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens)
Series: Deleted Scenes: The Creation of Adam [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1585393
Comments: 11
Kudos: 212





	How To Be An Emotional Support Snek (TM)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Natsue_Yotsuki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natsue_Yotsuki/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Creation Of Adam](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21243506) by [Natsue_Yotsuki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natsue_Yotsuki/pseuds/Natsue_Yotsuki). 



> Hey! Big thanks to Natsue_Yotsuki for allowing me to do an offshoot, deleted scenes of her story called The Creation of Adam, where Crowley is Adam's other parent! I loved it so much that my mind went wild and created what you would call deleted scenes that didn't fit into her story's parameters.
> 
> Attention! This diverges from the second chapter, so this is placed as an alternate second chapter.

Adam was an odd child to say the least. He was always slightly off in a way, and sometimes people could sense it. 

It didn’t bother Adam all that much- he always found that those who were unnerved by him tended to be a bad person for some reason or another. This one guy in school avoided Adam like he had the plague- turns out the kid was a horrendous bully but stopped whenever Adam was around, almost as if he was afraid of the smaller child. Another person that reacted in such a way was the old guy with his dog who was the only member of the neighborhood watch. The old man was a grump and always tried to get Adam into whatever trouble he could, not to mention the fact that he tried his best to make the other kids in the neighborhood miserable. But with Adam around, he always seemed to only go after him, leaving the others in peace; the slight scolding he got from his parents, which were mostly for show because he was a child for goodness sake doing kid things, were worth it if the old man didn’t bother anyone else. 

On the topic of not being completely normal, Adam always felt slightly misplaced in Tadfield, for lack of a better word. Like everything was two inches to the left, even though Adam never knew Tadfield to be anything other than two inches to the left. And Adam loved his parents, he really did, something always felt… off with them as well. It felt like his skin didn't fit over his bones, like he was hiding something that urged to break through the surface, yet at the same time the thing was scared to reveal itself lest it get destroyed. Don’t get him wrong, Adam himself felt the discrepancy that he gave off, acutely aware that he didn't belong in this world, like he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing but didn’t know what he looked under the wool because he had been the sheep for so long. He felt like he didn’t come from his parents, too lively and bright to truly come from the demure, epitome-of-Britishness fabric that made up his parents. 

Another thing that shook Adam were his dreams(1). They were realistic, hyperly so, leaving Adam to wake up still feeling the phantomness of their presence when he rocketed up, wide awake in his bed at odd times of the night and early morning. He remembered the pain that he had put his mother through. He remembered the Evil that he had consisted of, the Evil that burned his mother, who was something that wasn’t Bad- she was more of Good coated in a protective of mirage of Bad to fool those that were Evil. Adam had, at first, followed the example of Evil that his father had set, could feel the burns and harm that his father caused his mother and sought to copy what must have been correct, what must be Normal. But then he felt a quiet plea for the pain to stop and Adam(2) stopped, froze as his mother finally interacted with him, reaching past her pain and anguish. 

(1- Something told Adam that these weren’t dreams, nor nightmares, but memories that were physically impossible to have because they consisted of the Time-Before-He-Was-Born.)  
(2- He wasn’t Adam as of that point- more of just the son of Evil, but to make things easier for both Adam and the reader, the author has chosen to just call the Antichrist the name that he Would Be Given.)

Adam felt his mother, and for the first time since he Came Into Being, Adam realized that he was not only hurting his mother, he was hurting himself as well. And this Hurting wasn’t okay. That Hurting others also Hurt him. Hurting was Bad and Adam didn’t want to be Bad- he wanted to be the Good that made up his mother. Adam reached out, brushing cautiously against the warm consciousness that contained him and his mother reached back and they Connected. They Resonated. And Adam now knew what it felt like to feel Loved and Cared for. For the first time Adam wasn't Hurting and he cherished the feeling. His mother was a stark difference to the Hate that his father consisted of; and Adam decided then and there that he wanted to be like his mother when he grew up, not his father. 

As his mother, who was now mom(3), talked to him, Adam learned so much about the world, the beauty of Humanity, the story of his mom’s life. Adam’s soul, a piece forcibly taken taken from his mom, tainted with the Hatred that his father contributed to him, changed more and more to his mother’s protectively veiled Goodness that shone deep within her soul. Adam used the Hate that his father ‘gifted’ him, let it fester against all of those that dared to hurt his mom, the only being that Loved him in this torturous pit that he and his mom were stuck in, his father the top of the list that would get the full brunt of it.

(3- A word more tender and close than mother, Adam thought, a word that embraced this being as its true parent, the one that Adam would love no matter what form his mom took.)

One of the more disturbing, painful memories that was disguised cleverly as a dream, was the one that happened right after he was born. All Adam knew was that he was being forced out of his mom, his Lifegiver, and he didn’t want to go, to be touched by those so heavily Evil. But he knew that he was hurting his mom at the same time, the scars that both he and his father inflicted upon her tearing her apart at the seams. He wanted to Hurt those who were Hurting his mom even further; and when they started to cut her to get him, Adam almost obliterated them, erased those causing the inescapable Pain, but he didn’t, merely for the sake of his mom and such repercussions that she might face. When he was pulled from his mom’s Love, he squirmed and almost bit with fangs just like his mom’s, but Adam heard her pleas, to hide his form, just like how she had to hide her Good behind her veil of Bad, just like how she had to hide her Love for Adam, and how she had to hide that Adam wasn’t hurting her anymore, that Adam hadn’t bonded and forsook his father for her instead. And if Adam could protect his mom, the only one who Loved him, Adam would. So he shed scales for red skin(4), a mere visage to trick the thing that dared to call himself his father.

(4- Adam would soon shed the red skin as well, mimicking what a human would look like. The demon tasked with disguising Adam as human thought that it was them who changed Adam when it was merely the babe shedding his skin for yet another, a trick he learned from his mother.)

Adam remembered hearing his mom begging to hold him, weak and tired with pain. Adam felt his mother fading and Adam Hurt. Adam heard his mom ask him to be good, and Adam promised he would. Adam heard that his mom promised to find him, and Adam knew she would, the promise resonating between them.

Adam felt as his mom died, yet didn’t(5).

(5- Later on, when Adam was older, he would come to the realization that his mom didn’t die, not exactly. Her body died and her soul, the thing that he was a part of and could faintly feel if he concentrated, went somewhere else.)

Adam missed his mom, and even as a newly born infant, Promised his mom that he wouldn't show his father what he was like, that he would hide that he took after his mother and despised his father.

Adam also faintly remembered being put into a basket after the demon supposedly changed his red skin for a pale flesh tone that some humans bore. He remembered the two Evil demons that Hated his mom. He remembered crying non-stop- something that severely annoyed the two demons but they couldn't do anything about because he was their boss’ child, the Antichrist(6). Adam felt his mom walking over, in a new body. He quieted and Knew that the two Evil demons were jealous that the mere presence of the tool(7) that gave birth to the Antichrist was able to quiet the screaming child.

(6- Of course Adam didn’t know that he was the Antichrist. Whenever he dreamed the word would be muffled, blurred in a way that Adam could never comprehend and understand. It left him frustrated whenever that word was uttered but Adam couldn’t do anything about it.)  
(7- For that was all Crowley was for Lucifer and thus the rest of the demons. An unimportant pawn in the chess game of ineffability that Hell and Heaven played. While a certain angel loved the demon, he didn’t even know that Crowley gave birth to Adam, much less knew the attitude that Hell showed the demon, for Crowley kept all of the abuse secret. But luckily Adam Loved his mom and would help his mom Heal instead of Hurt, making sure that she knew that she was Loved, and not a tool that she was told to be.)

When driving to the Chattering Order, Adam remembered reaching out to brush against his mom’s soul, just like he had all that time ago. Adam pulled back before he even did, feeling the radiating Evil that his father had wound around his mom, cutting her off from feeling him. Adam could tell that it burned and Hurt, the metaphorical(8) bonds that wrapped around his mother’s soul digging into the wounds that his father had inflicted upon her. 

(8- Adam was very proud when he learned this word in school, and he felt that his mom would be proud of how smart he was becoming.)

When Adam’s mom started to talk to him, Adam calmly listened. “Your Father, my darling baby, has Great Plans for you. I am so sorry that I cannot stop it. I will do my best to find you once more but my Master, your father, has constrained me little one. I can’t,” Adam’s mom sobbed, taking a moment to breathe before starting again, “I can’t feel you anymore baby, so it’s going to be hard sweetie. But I Promise I will. Know that your Momma Loves you no matter what you do, my darling. I would gladly endure this all over, even my Fall, so I could have you. You are perfect to me baby and I love you forever. Just be you.” Adam cooed and his mother pulled into the parking lot and took their baby out of the basket to hold and kiss one last time. She saw someone who was most definitely not Thaddeus Dowling, someone who looked so British, who looked so plainly Human, and knew what she was going to do. “Listen closely darling. I’m going to give you away to this family right here. You are supposed to go to someone else. Someone who would have you destroy Humanity. I’m going to have to pretend that the child that they get is you, but I promise I will always love you and I am not ever replacing you. You might get a sibling, baby boy, out of this.” Adam cooed again, reaching up to touch his mom’s cheek(9).

(9- While Adam hadn’t understood exactly what his mom was saying he Understood the basis of what his mom was telling him, something that wouldn’t have happened if Adam wasn’t who he was. Furthermore, Adam always liked to think that this supposed True mother of his would come back and raise him alongside the baby that his mom had to pretend was the Antichrist.)

\----------------------------

When Adam was a toddler, he toddled away from his parents, a Pull leading him away. He saw a small snake, looking around almost frantically. When its tongue flickered(10) out in his direction, it froze before streaming towards him. Adam wasn’t scared, not in the least bit. The snake felt familiar, like coming home(11).

(10- Snakes can’t see all that well, the author would like to note, and thus ‘seeing’ is a loose term. But snakes ‘see’ with their tongues, smelling the air and sensing movement to hunt and move around)  
(11- While Adam did not know the significance of this snake, nor that this snake was actually his True parent, Adam knew that this snake was familiar and Safe.)

The snake, once reaching his pudgy toddler feet that were still not used to standing, reared up and gently pressed its snout into the equally chubby hand that lacked definitive motor control. The child lost its balance and landed on its rump, but was way too fascinated by the red-bellied black snake that was in front of him. Its tongue flickered out again and again, like it was trying to memorize Adam’s scent, even at times licking the toddler to incite a few giggles from the young boy. 

When the child offered a hand out, the snake finally came closer, cautiously sliding up the boy’s arm, testing to make sure that it wasn’t about to be thrown or something of the like if the child didn’t instinctively identify him as Safe. But nothing happened except giggling and a sunny smile that split Adam’s face. Crowley curled gently around small shoulders, giving the boy a light squeeze in lieu of a tender hug. 

Minutes passed by and Crowley blissfully listened as their baby boy babbled at them, talking in a language all their own that could only be understood by its parents. The sun was shining and it was warm and Crowley was content. But suddenly Adam’s babbling turned into different syllables, the baby getting more and more frustrated. Crowley knew that Adam wanted their name, but Crowley couldn’t speak, so they pushed their name gently into the mind of their child, carefully reaching past the weakening restrictions(12). “Cah- cah- crah- cro-crow! Crow!”

(12- For the chains that Lucifer had placed around Crowley to take away their connection to their child had slowly started loosening over the weeks and months after their placement. Whenever Crowley would do miracles and other magics around Adam, they would have to acrobatics, reaching around the restrictions placed around her like burning chains. It was good that Crowley was a snake and used to having to contort to get what they needed or wanted done.)

If Crowley was still an angel, they would be glowing radiantly with happiness(13). Crowley squeezed their child tightly, never hurting him, but happy and proud of his child. Instinctively, like all things between Crowley and Adam, Crowley knew that this was Adam’s first word.

(13- As if was, Crowley was Good at their core, and Aziraphale would comment that when the two met secretly in his bookshop that Crowley seemed… less dark… for lack of a better word, that day. Crowley would brush him off, but Aziraphale wouldn't forget it and was determined to get the actual answer later.)

\----------------------------

There were many times that Adam met with the snake, spending fun days in the warm sun playing and fooling around. Adam tended to crawl everywhere, cooing, and happily calling out to his mother, his mom. In fact, Adam’s second word was mama, once again said to Crowley(14). Their connection resonated every time the baby called out to them and Crowley loved it, cherishing each moment.

(14- Alternatively, Warlock’s first words were Nana and Ash, although sometimes when the poor boy saw more of his Nanny than his parents, the ‘n’s of Nana turned more into ‘m’s. And if that didn't hurt the old demon’s already aching heart, no one had to know. Crowley was glad to be this baby’s mother, for Warlock’s parents were severely lacking in the attendance category in their child’s life. Crowley was glad to have both babies be theirs, their little Antichrists.)

The Serpent of Eden loved both of their babies, their Warlock and Adam. The snake would often whisper to the other about their brother whenever they were with one of the boys, letting them know of their sibling. While Crowley wasn’t in the third child’s life, they made sure that the third child was adopted by a married gay couple who had been trying for years to adopt but were stopped every time by misconstrued laws. And well, if the couple would come into a bit of wealth and good fortune in their jobs, then it was just to irritate and infuriate those homophobes that always protested and had an aneurysm about other people's lives(15). 

(15- And if Crowley made sure that those homophobes didn't do anything drastic to other people, then it was brushed off as Crowley guaranteeing them to be damned to hell for their Wrath. Furthermore, if those people went on a rampage and hurt others, it would cost Hell souls that could be led to Heaven before those souls could be claimed for their Master. It all worked rather well, if Crowley thought to themself.)

Crowley was also there for when both of their babies had started to take their first steps. For Warlock, it was easier to be there for when he walked. Warlock hadn't connected with his parents as much as he should have, and thusly attached himself to the one person that was there for him constantly, no matter what- Nanny Ashtoreth. It was a nice day and the little Warlock had stood up and shakily toddled over to his Nanny, who was sitting at the far corner of the picnic blanket that they had lunch on. An emotional Ashtoreth had quickly scooped up her baby and covered his cheeks with kisses, his parents none the wiser(16). Crowley faced more challenges when trying to see Adam. The Serpent could only show up as the form they took up in Eden, for it was easier to hide from both humans and from the possible watching occult beings(17). When Crowley had seen Adam toddle towards them, they almost cried, which was impossible with the form that they had taken. The snake quickly reared up, allowing the Antichrist to fall against their head and upper body when the boy’s unsure feet stumbled on the uneven ground.

(16- As far as Hell, Aziraphale, and the Dowlings knew, Warlock had happily taken his first steps towards his assigned parents after they both sat on the couch after a long day of campaigning. It showed both Warlock’s progress, and the fact that the child was attached to the politician and his wife, a sure sign that Warlock would happily be corrupted by said parents. In truth though, the only way to get the child to walk towards the two Americans was for Crowley to clean up behind the couch. Warlock would want to go the fastest way to his Nanny, and thus toddled right into his parents knees.)  
(17- Humans tended to not see snakes, and grass made it easy to hide. Crowley was the Original Snake, and thus could transform into the many types that came after. Demons, on the other hand, tended to forget that they were the inventor of the Original Sin, and had the largest Imagination that any demon possessed. As long as Crowley imagined that they couldn't find him, that he was just at the Dowling Estate where they couldn't see, then the demons believed so. And Crowley would have all of the imagination in the world as long as it allowed them to see their baby- either one.)

\----------------------------

There were times that Crowley was called down into Hell to personally give in-depth reports about the Antichrist to Lucifer himself. They were required four times a year, at the start of each season. Crowley would often stand still and give the report, trying their best to ignore Satan as he circled around them. The Original Fallen touched the Creator of the Original Sin often, quick brushes that left burning skin and true form alike in its wake. Whenever Crowley stuttered or slowed, even if their voice hitched with pain, the hand would stop moving and stay resolutely in place, burning deeper and deeper. While it hurt, the pain bringing their forced night together back to the surface for Crowley, the lesser demon would still spew his lies about Warlock being the true Antichrist, lie that they were in fact in contact with the other baby and that they were raising both boys to be resolutely Human. Crowley would always keep their babies safe and refused to crack under the pain(18), no matter if Lucifer held their wings in his searing hands and burnt fully through Crowley’s them. 

(18- There is nothing that could get past a mother, father, or gender neutral parent to harm that person’s child. And that happened to apply to the gender hoarding, gender-fluid demon known as Crowley.)

Time passed differently in hell, so while a few hours had passed on Earth, Lucifer stretched Time so thinly allowing him to test Crowley’s memory and quiz the demon on his son(19). For Crowley, years had passed, yet at the same time it seemed like a constant eternity. But whenever Crowley came back up to Earth after a meeting and saw their babies, both children knew that their Renny(20) was hurting and thus reacted accordingly. It didn’t show bodily, as the King of Hell would heal the demon’s corporation, but the marks on Crowley’s true form were left to heal slowly, the pain bleeding through even without the physical marks.

(19- It was good that Ethereal and Occult beings didn't have the same constraints as human brains did, and could thusly remember their whole lives. While they could temporarily forget things, like misplacing something or forgetting an appointment (if they were to use Earth terms), they still remembered eventually. It was easy to simply move their power around and call memories to the surface. Otherwise, the immortals of both sides just Knew their whole lives at all times, something that humans could never understand, for their brains could never handle the pure magnitude that was an ethereal or occult being.)  
(20- Gender neutral address used in the place of Mommy or Daddy. It comes from paRENT.)

The boys were more gentle with Crowley, and in the case of Warlock, who always had at least two secret service people following at all times, would be quiet, staying in one place gladly. It was astounding how calm a little boy could be when he knew it would help his parent. If Warlock really had to expend his energy, he would get Brother Francis or one of the countless secret service agents to chase him around. It was nice for Crowley to feel loved in such an absolute way that only children can.

Little Adam, on the other hand, didn't have to do much because Tadfield was such a quiet place. Instead, Adam would get the snake to become larger, urging the supernatural creature to coil up before scrambling to lay on top and pulling a coil or two over him, the pressure of the small child grounding the occult being. The child would take Crowley’s head and set it ever so gently onto his stomach so that the little Antichrist can gently stroke and trace the scales on the top of the snakes head. It was nice to just relax and be kept safe for once. Crowley just loved their kids and never regretted getting hurt if it meant their boys were happy and safe.

\----------------------------

When Crowley’s boys started school, the demon became lonely, and fell into a depression. Aziraphale didn’t need to be on the grounds at all times, as he was a gardener and not a full-time live-in Nanny, and had his bookshop to go back to. While Crowley did have his flat and his plants to tend to, which he did do, but that didn’t take long at all and he didn't need to water the plants every day.

With the free time came the larger chance that Crowley would be dragged back to hell, just to make sure that everything was going well with the Antichrist. Even if demons were easy to fool and escape when going to see Adam or Aziraphale(21), the demons were hard to shake if they really wanted to find him. Many a demon wanted to learn about the Antichrist, and wanted to make sure that the demon that they saw was at the bottom of the food chain wasn't messing up what would bring their longed for End of the World. Crowley did have many credits penned to their name, but Crowley wasn’t Evil like they were, and it stood out like a sore thumb(22).

(21- Crowley suspected that Aziraphale’s holy energy tended to repel demons on a subconscious level, and for the angels, it was Crowley’s corrupted power. Crowley was sure that the angels had photos, but as said before Crowley’s imagination was a powerful thing, and if Crowley imagined that the photos would be brushed off and merely skimmed over, they were. With Adam, Crowley could feel that the child wanted to see their parent, and even at his age, his powers subtly bent the universe so that his parent could come see him safely.)  
(22- For all that they liked discord, Hell didn’t like Crowley’s oddity. This meant that the demon was no stranger to pain, nor the repeated Reprogramming that never worked, that occurred every hundred Earth years or so. Luckily for Aziraphale on the other hand, Heaven didn’t torture per say, shying away from the ‘everything is acceptable, no matter what it is’ mentality for punishment that Hell had, and leaning more towards cultivating a mob mentality through subtle emotional abuse and ostracization. That is to say that such abuse is never acceptable and just as harmful, there is a difference between Aziraphale knowing that angels tried to avoid Earth and Crowley knowing that they were never safe wherever they were on Earth or in Hell.)

To escape the constant prying eyes, Crowley pushed to do more work at the Dowling estate. Crowley became a constant at either Harriet or Thaddeus Dowling’s side. She was often seen running errands, going from one side of the large manor to the other without rest. She was a secretary and household manager. She was an advisor to Harriet and an organizer for both Dowlings. She helped Harriet with running the household and organizing events and attending as a plus one when Thaddeus couldn't attend functions with his wife. Alternatively, Thaddeus had started to trust Ashtoreth more, and when there were delicate happenings in the political spheres, Thaddeus used her as a secretary. Ashtoreth was made invaluable because since she made it clear that she was loyal to Thaddeus, and with the fact that she could speak dozens of languages, she replaced the need for possibly traitorous translators(23).

(23- It also helped that there was a demonic miracle or two to help Crowley get the position, but the demon wouldn’t admit so.)

With Crowley’s upped workload during the time that Warlock was at school, they easily escaped demonic ambushes. The negative though, was the fact that Aziraphale noticed Crowley’s constant work was driving the demon into the ground. Crowley refused to talk with the angel, even if they were sometimes running on draining dregs of their power, avoiding their oldest friend at all costs. Sleeping meant nightmares and possible kidnappings, and going to Hell to recharge just opened a whole room of maggots that Crowley didn’t want to address. 

Aziraphale, a few months into the school year, finally put his foot down. One night, he entered Crowley’s room, knocking first of course because he wouldn’t violate the demon’s privacy, and forced the demon to actually sleep, promising the poor serpent that nothing would happen, be it physical or dreamwise. It became easier when Warlock noticed(24) that his beloved Nanny was tired, causing the small boy to drag her up onto his bed and had her hold him until he fell asleep. The boy also knew that Nanny wouldn't move if he laid on top of her and fell asleep; thus every night, Warlock had his Nanny hold him, and made sure that she fell asleep holding him(25).

(24- If there was a bit of Divine Intervention by a certain Gardener, only Aziraphale had to know.)  
(25- Holding one of her children in her arms always guaranteed that Ashtoreth would have a restful sleep. And if Warlock got to be closer to his favorite person in the world, then it was just a win-win situation.)

\----------------------------

Crowley was smart- while they played up a hatred of reading just to tease their angel, Crowley loved learning in all of the forms it came in. Humans were amazing and fascinating and wonderful in what they made and what demon wouldn't indulge? And so Crowley endeavored to go to every college or university that struck their favor. Crowley had easily brushed it off as one- taking someone else’s place, and two- a way to get closer to people already stressed and willing to sin. 

Knowing this, it was easiest to assume that Crowley would oversee her boys respective educations. Aziraphale was no help, the only education the angel had was in books but never in an actual setting dedicated to learning. So Crowley easily took over with helping Warlock with his homework.; the supposed Antichrist was very good at maths and sciences of any kind. On the other hand, Adam, the true Antichrist, who Crowley could help by subtly using their link as supernatural mother and son to push the boy towards the path that would lead him to the right answers, excelled in history and the arts.

\----------------------------

Crowley was aware that Adam’s parents, who greatly exceeded the Dowlings in their parental job descriptions, were often both tied up at work. Luckily it was only during school hours that they were busy, but it meant that Adam could never have his parents chaperone a field trip. While bummed, Adam was never truly upset about it. It was weird- while everyone else’s parents could chaperone from time to time, Adam never got jealous over it.

Adam’s school liked taking the kids out on trips, and scheduled them often; it was a good way to get the kids to interact with the world around them without being stuck in a classroom, and it allowed parents to bond and spend time with their kids. The teachers gradually noticed that Adam’s parents never could chaperone, that their work never let them take a day off to spend the day chaperoning. It was only if they were sick, or they were using their vacation days were the Youngs allowed to take time off(26). So the Principal called Adam into his office and asked the kid how he felt that his parents weren’t there.

(26- While this seems too much, too harsh, the Youngs didn’t mind. Adam made sure that his parents knew that he didn’t mind them not chaperoning because that meant he and his family could spend a longer time on vacation together over the summer.)

After finally convincing the man that he was okay, Adam was ambushed by the Them. “Are you okay?” Pepper quickly yelled out.

Adam merely smiled. “Yeah, I’m good, seriously you guys. I’m not upset about my parents not chaperoning. I just don’t know why everyone is so concerned. When we go out tomorrow to the zoo, I’ll show you why.” 

Brian whined, flailing his arms as they walked to their bikes to ride home. “But I wanna know know Adam!” Adam ignored him.

\--

The next day Adam was ambushed on the bus on the way to the zoo, Pepper bracketing Adam in the seat, the two boys taking the seat in front of Adam and turning around to look at their friend.. “Show us please Adam, I could barely sleep because my brain was going wild!” Wensleydale complains. Smirking, Adam shifts his coat, showing his friends the inner breast pocket of Adam’s coat. He lightly rubbed it with the back of his pointer finger, and the Them gasped as a small black and red snake poked its nose out of the opening, its small red tongue flickering out to taste the air. Pepper, who would deny this, cooed at the small noodle, reaching over to boop the yellow-eyed snake’s snoot.

“It’s so cute! What’s its name? What does this have to do with your parents?” Brian asked, voice hushed, not wanting to draw attention to the group and get the Them in trouble. 

“I’ve named them Crow- the snake seems to be really smart, even reacting to its name. And before you ask Pepper, they answered to she, he, and even they pronouns so it doesn’t matter how I address Crow. Anyways, Crow always seems to show up when I need them, always showing up when I had a field trip.” The Them nodded, accepting their leader’s explanation(27).

(27- Many weird things have happened to the Them over the years, and so it didn’t phase them that a snake that seemed to have human levels of sentience. Furthermore, they were children and the things that would phase adults, were generally accepted by children whose imaginations were awash with wild fantasies that would astound any adult, or in some cases ethereal beings as well.)

\--

At the zoo, the children were split up into small groups, one of Pepper’s moms having volunteered and gladly taking care of the rambunctious Them. On the occasional times that none of the Them’s parents could chaperone, another parent would have to take them on. While it would make more sense to break up the friend group to make them more manageable, for some reason, that never happened because the Them had never expected it to. The day that field trip ended, all four sets of parents got a pleading letter home, begging at least one of them to always be there. The other parents were way too mild mannered to handle the vivaciousness that was the Them, but the four sets of parents had grown up with their kids being friends and could thusly handle the group. The poor parent often got the shivers when looking at the group, amazed, and a little creeped out, at the cast of characters that created the group of friends. 

Anyways, the Them unanimously decided that they would quickly see the animals, before heading over to the reptile house to stay there the longest. The toads, frogs, chameleons, and other reptiles were quickly passed over before the Them made a beeline for the snake portion of the reptile exhibit. Because it was Expected (28), Pepper’s mom did watch the kids, but never paid too much attention to them and what they were doing.

(28- Of course Crowley knew that it was a bit of the Antichrist’s power leaking out, but it was minor enough that it wouldn’t draw any undue attention to the actual Antichrist. Even if there was attention, it was easy enough to explain off as it was Warlock’s doing because Hell expected nothing less and didn't exactly care where the Antichrist was as long as Crowley was watching the boy and making sure that he was being raised with the utmost evil intent that only a politician, much less an American, could imbue within a child.)

When Adam took Crow out of his breast pocket, every human and non-snake being resolutely Ignored what was going on as it was also Expected. While none of the group knew that Crowley was THE Serpent, they did know that Crow was a magical one(29). The Them resolutely wanted to see what the other snakes would do in response to Crow, to see if something cool would happen. Luckily Crowley was THE Serpent, and thus all snakes would instinctively Know, in their hindbrain, that this was a Parent of some sort, someone to be safe with. They Knew that this being in front of them was something More, that all snakes came from this being. All snakes Belonged to this being, and they Knew that this being would protect them(30). 

(29- The snake did show up when Adam needed them, that was one thing that the Them knew. What they would find out later though, would be the fact that Crow could change size and, when Crow needed to stealthily approach the group for fear of demons (the Them only knew the stealth part of this equation), Crow could turn into any type of snake, though the snake resolutely preferred being the Australian red-bellied black snake.)  
(30- Something that even Aziraphale didn't know was the fact that, when in Heaven, when he was still an angel, still a Healer, Crowley, with of course the help from his Mother, Created snakes. God had allowed Crowley, going by a different name because this was before the Fall, gave Crowley the two snakes that had been Created by the two of them to the angel to wrap around his Winged Staff.)

Wrapped gently around Adam’s wrist, Crow reared up calmly and hissed quietly. The King Cobra in front of them reared up and showed off its hood happily. Hissing once more, Crow complimented the proud snake, causing the captive snake to preen happily before moving around in its spacious enclosure to show off a bit more for the Them before the group went around to each and every other snake in the reptile house. Each time Crow was held up so the snake could talk with its kin, the snake showing off for the awed coos of the young group of school children, and then a hissed thank you for interacting was given.

\----------------------------

Of course Warlock’s once in a blue moon field trip didn’t go as well as Adam’s had. It was the gift of being the supposed child of a famous politician Crowley supposed, along with the fact that Warlock went to a posh private school filled with well to do children from the wealthy people of Britain. While the group had gone to a high end establishment for a supposedly well guarded tour around the area, of course the security was lax enough to let roughly a dozen morons with guns into the establishment. This had Hastur’s stench all over it- trying to get Crowley into trouble while being able to write it off as testing to make sure the Antichrist was growing into the ruthless child he was supposed to be. In fact Crowley could smell the unique stench that was Hastur.

Spotting the children, the absolute fucking morons made their way towards the school group, people screaming to get out of the way. And once again Crowley was made aware of the resounding stupidity of the situation as she remembered that only the staff and the chaperones were allowed on the trip- no secret service agents permitted. Luckily Crowley was over six thousand years old, and while she didn’t like fighting in the least, she knew how to very well. Especially with being a female, and a rather attractive one by human standards, Crowley needed to know her shit. 

And so when one of the brutes grabbed Warlock, one of her little Antichrists, Crowley lost her shit. When Crowley made to move forward, however, there was a barrel of a gun pressed to the back of her head, a disgusting arm sliding around her waist. “I wouldn’t do that, my pretty.” The man stroked her stomach with his thumb and Crowley stiffened further. She had to deal with this from Lucifer, she had to tolerate other demons touching her and grabbing at her, not allowed to do anything but take it for fear of worse retribution. But with this garbage fleshbag, she wouldn’t stand for it, much less in front of her child. This time Crowley could fight back without recompense. She was going to fucking punt Hastur across Hell when she was done here and she was going to fucking love it. 

Crowley made eye contact with her boy, hating the fear in his eyes. She twitched her fingers, gripping her umbrella tighter; Warlock’s eyes immediately sparkled happily. His Nanny was about to fuck shit up and he was here for it. One more second passed, Crowley suddenly loosening her body to make it easier to get out of the hold. Twisting, she grabbed the gun, which turned out to be a handgun, and pistol whipped the man that had grabbed her. He fell like a sack of bricks, the guns now all trained on Crowley. “Now lady, put down the gun and we will only hurt your kid minimally for your actions.” A man, obviously the leader from his stance and tone of voice, gesturing with his gun towards the boy who was the least afraid, knowing that his Nanny wouldn’t let anyone, much less him, come to harm.

Crowley grinned. “It was a mistake to touch my kid. I’ve crawled up from a much more twisted place than where you come from.” Her teeth were sharp and her eyes sparked with Hellfire. She dashed forwards, her tall form bending in ways that it frankly Shouldn’t. The demon shot one of the men’s thighs, right through the meat of it just as she ducked under goon #1’s arm. Goon #2’s right side was quickly shot, a through and through, sending him to the ground, the bullet intentionally not hitting anything important. #3 had snuck up behind Crowley during this time, grabbing her hair and forcing her head back, a gun pressing into her back and shooting her point blank in the side. 

Not Caring at this point, and ignoring the pain(31), Crowley simply twisted, ignoring the fact that bones were a thing, and shot the guy in the stomach. Goon #4 was stabbed with her heel when she kicked him in the hip. #5 was grabbed and thrown into #6, their heads knocking together, leaving them dazed where they had slid across the floor. #7 had gone hand to hand, trying to get in close and best her that way. A half dozen pressure points pushed and her gun flung across the room a few moments later, and the guy was collapsed on the ground. 

(31- Chronic pain had made itself a well known companion in Crowley’s life since the Fall, a pain which had only increased since Lucifer had taken an interest in her. So it was easy to accept this new Pain into her millennia long dance without stumbling, the steps well worn into her psyche.)

#8, who was holding one of the kids hostage, had gone down after landing a punch on her gunshot wound, which was frankly unacceptable. A slash of her heel, shoulder to opposite hip, brought the man down nicely. When #9 roughed up her little boy a bit, Crowley swept up her umbrella from the ground, using the point at the top to bash the man right between the eyes. Coming up from behind and leaving their post amongst the civilians were goons #10 and #11 to attack. A bullet went through her left calf, ruining her stocking, and nestled itself into bone. Moving to one knee, Crowley swept #10’s knees out from under him, hard, and with a bit of supernatural pizzazz, the man actually did a full flip, landing on his back. Much in the same way, idiot goon #11 came running at the occult being, only for Crowley’s reinforced umbrella to come up hard in between his legs before flickering up to jab at his neck, right above his collarbones, immediately incapacitating him.

Drawing her thin, spindly form up, the frankly tall woman with equally alarming high heels stood up straight, glaring at the leader. Gesturing with her umbrella once more, Crowley spoke menacingly. “You’ve seen what I can do with an umbrella. Stand. Down.” Crowley smiled, something with too much teeth and too little kindness. For added effect, Crowley let her eyes peek over the rims of her dark glasses. A large wet spot formed on the front of his pants before the man fainted. 

“NANNY!” Warlock cried, barreling towards her, but stopping short, remembering her injuries. Crouching down, again uncaring of her wounds, and embraced her boy.

“You were oh so brave my little hellspawn,” Nanny whispered, voice low enough that only she and Warlock could hear, “I am so proud ducky.” Warlock sniffled and held onto his Nanny’s hand as she stood up and police and paramedics flooded the scene. Quickly treated, the shooters were ferried away. A couple of paramedics made the darkly clothed Nanny lay down and get strapped onto the rolling stretcher that they had brought with them. While the demon allowed the poking and prodding, she refused to let go of her scared little boy. When a paramedic tried to separate them, the demon gripped the boy tighter as Warlock screamed shrilly. That was good- the little boy’s actions could be brushed off as selfish, not wanting to give up what was his, manipulating the lesser humans into bending to his will.

As her glasses were being taken, to be quickly snatched by Warlock and placed over his own eyes, almost like they were a comfort blanket, Crowley quietly snapped her fingers and a mirage was cast over her eyes, giving her normal, brown irises with normal, round pupils. The paramedics were quick to find that while the wound in her side was a through and through, they found that the other bullet was lodged inside of her calf. “Talk to your boy Miss, you have to stay awake,” a paramedic hurriedly said, not noticing that Crowley was wide awake and coherent, busy trying to staunch the blood flow. “Tell us your name and age, any allergies, and your blood type as well if you can Miss.”

“Little Warlock can you tell them my name, darling?” Crowley wanted to ground her boy, wanting to give him something to do instead of allowing himself to hyper fixate on her injuries and lose himself in a panic attack that would allow shock to take over.

Warlock nodded, voice shaking and eyes never leaving his Nanny’s. “Lilith Ash- Ashtoreth.”

“Good boy for remembering Warlock. I’m forty eight, I have no allergies, and my blood type is O negative(32).”

(32- While Crowley found that having allergies could make it harder for doctors, allergies in a corporation were more trouble than they were worth. Thus, Crowley made doctor’s lives difficult if he was ever in their care because he could only receive O negative blood. And if O negative is the universal donor and Crowley could donate nearly endlessly, no one had to know- faking the documents and replenishing his blood were the only miracles needed. The faking of documents was obviously evil, but the blood replenishment was chalked up to weird corporation needs on Earth that no magical being understood as they were never constantly on Earth like Crowley and Aziraphale were.)

“Good, just keep talking, make sure you stay awake. Who is this charming young boy with you?” The nurse said mindlessly.

“This is little Warlock Dowling.” Another quiet snap made sure that the Dowlings and their secret service agents would quickly arrive at the hospital shortly after they got there so that Warlock wasn’t kidnapped or hurt. “I’m his Nanny, isn't that right sweetheart?” Warlock nodded, sniffling. “We were on a field trip and some scary men came in but Nanny is double-oh-seven, isn't she, my darling?” Warlock giggled nodding.

“She was so cool! Nanny has always been cool, but today she was like super cool! Cooler than James Bond!” Warlock said, in awe. Love rolled off the boy in between waves of his scared emotions, Crowley being both a parent and able to sense the lack of negative emotion and correctly assume that it was love.

Warlock was devastated when the nurses separated him from his beloved Nanny so they could take demon into surgery. Hours had passed and Warlock had long since been scooped up into Harriet Dowling’s arms; a nurse came out to call the mother and son, along with the four accompanying secret service agents that came along, into Nanny’s room. The red head was wide awake once more, leg and stomach all bandaged up and hidden under the hospital gown and blankets. 

When visitors were no longer allowed, Ashtoreth cooed to her boy. “Take care of my glasses for me, will you my little hellion? I’ll be back home in the morning my dear I promise.”

Nanny kept true to that promise, even if she had to have a… miracled intervention so that she could leave. And if when Warlock gave Lilith Ashtoreth back her glasses, allowing her to return her eyes to normal, Nanny was leaning on a slim black cane to take the weight off her calf, no one said a word. She was just as scary as normal, if not more so- even the secret service agents had to agree after seeing the security tapes from the establishment. A certain angel could only fuss so much though, especially with a small child constantly glued to her side.

Crowley received a commendation for protecting the Antichrist and teaching the boy a lesson on selfishness in the process. Warlock wasn’t ever teased again because rumors spread about his frankly terrifying Nanny spread. It didn’t help that the video of the event magically found its way onto Youtube and becoming viral, countless news outlets around the world showcasing the event, fawning over the badass and heartwarming actions of a certain demon(33). This coverage also helped Thaddeus Dowlings ratings, something which pleased Hell- the longer the Dowlings were powerful American politicians, the longer Warlock could be corrupted.

(33- No one had to know that Aziraphale had the newspaper headline and the full article cut out, preserved, and framed; but for those who did know, it was hanging up in the angel’s flat, situated right above the bookshop.)

\----------------------------

One day, it was announced that there would be a career day, everyone’s parents would come in and talk about what they did for a living. Once again, Adam’s parents couldn't come, but once more, Adam didn’t care. He loved his parents, and appreciated all that they did for him. His mom had written out what they did for work, as they worked for the same company, and handed it to him on his way out the door. Crow had shown up this morning, already in his jacket when he put it on, the Antichrist only finding out when he was biking to school and felt a wriggle in his breast pocket. 

When his bike was locked to the bike rack outside of his school, Adam took a moment to pet Crow’s small head gently. “You ready Crow?” The snake in question hissed quietly, tongue flickering out gently.

With that, Adam was ready to conquer the day, happy to simply read off what his mom had written when there was the light weight resting in coat pocket, right above his heart.

\----------------------------


End file.
